Holy shit I’m so terribly awkward

just-laff:

egberts:

if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket

you are one of the great thinkers of our time

  • me in november: ugh christmas decorations shouldn't be up this early the holiday isn't for another two months come the fuck on
  • me in september: SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS

tagged: #jfc

rexuality:

I need to have as much wild sex as possible so one day I can become an inappropriate old lady that blurts out things like “when I was your age I got a concussion after being bent over a desk” and then my family can be like “grandma please, you’re making easter dinner really uncomfortable” and it’ll be great

tagged: #lolololol

bisexualfandom:

abled people wanna sit up and say shit like ”i’m so blessed that i’m not in your position; it makes me realize how lucky i really am” and wonder why we fucking hate them 

(Source: proletarianpekingese)

tagged: #sHIT

willsicott:

tuxedoandex:

ugly:

What do you call the security guards outside Samsung shops?

what

Guardians of the Galaxy

I love my skin!

(Source: arthaemisia)

tagged: #aHAHAH #Remender

ergiofasgard:

gaypee:

forgive and forget?? haha no resent and remember

i read this as “resent remender” but that kind of still fits

queerboiswag:

cakeandrevolution:

I want to see a reality tv show where straight dudes have to read the shitty messages they send to women to their mothers.

i would die laughing

kirbyfucker64:

"how old are you?"

"It’s a secret :3"

"aiight so either 12 or 40 got it"